Do you ever consider how you actually sound to your husband? It’s so easy to fall into a trap of saying words and statements to him in disrespectful ways without ever knowing it. There are statements that you should never say to your husband. Passive men have a hard time confronting their wives, so if this is your case and he has never confronted you on anything, you might have no idea how you actually come across when certain words come out of your mouth.
Eight years ago, in the beginning of our marriage, my husband would confront me (in a loving way), that I can sound disrespectful when certain phrases come out of my mouth towards him. Each time, he left me know when a phrase or word sounded disrespectful. I honestly was completely oblivious to how he felt after I said what I said.
Along with the post, What Your Husband Needs Most From You, your words need to demonstrate respect towards him. Since my husband has discussed this with me at the beginning of our marriage, it has taught me hold my tongue many times! And now looking back, I know this has prevented moments that could have led to intense conversations between us.
Here are a few terms I’d suggest for you to never say to your husband:
You have to… Don’t demand and tell him he has to do something. It comes across as if you are in control. It sounds like you are bossing him around telling him exactly what he should do.
You need to… Again, just like the above command, you are insisting your husband needs to do what you say!
Why didn’t you… this would be the one I highly recommend steering away from the most! When you question your husband and say, “why didn’t you?” he will feel extremely disrespected. He receives a sense of you not trusting and believing in him with the decision he made. Your husband gets a feeling that you think he is forgetful, not knowledgeable, and/or not trustworthy.
Replace those “NEVER words” with these three phrases instead:
Can you… If you want your husband to accomplish something for you, present it into a question form. He feels extremely respected when you would say, “Honey, can you sometime fix the dishwasher?” Instead of, “Honey, you need to fix that dishwasher.”
Should we… Very similar to the previous comment, you can hint around with question form, “Should we __________?” (Hint, hint!)
What do you think about… Again, place that comment into question form. Instead of saying, “Why didn’t you take the trash out today?” Consider saying, “Do you think you could take the trash out sometime today?” Notice the difference in the tone of voice each statement provides?
The greatest way for your husband to feel respected is putting your critical responses into question form. This will present to him that you are not demanding, but instead, you are considering his opinion. Plus, most importantly, it shows him that you trust him enough to consider what he thinks is best! I’ve noticed with my husband that he actually takes the responsibility to a higher level when the ball is in his court. He feels a sense of responsibility to make the right choice, plus, he strives to respect and bless me in return.
So, I highly recommend that you steer away from those “NEVER SAY” comments to your spouse. Make him feel valued and respected. He might even just treat you in a more sensitive and loving way just by you changing the words that come out of your mouth.
Let’s hear from you! What other responses have you learned works best to speak towards your husband? And what terms do you know is best not to say to his face?