I had one of the hardest weeks mothering this past week. For four days… it was rough! It was so hard being a mom! Just saying those words does not even compare to the reality of it all.
Have you ever had that feeling where it feels like you’re screaming on the inside and have absolutely no control over what is happening in that moment? If you understand that feeling, well, I had that about 10-20 times this past week.
I function better when I’m in a structured atmosphere. My children and I need structure in our home in order to stay sane. However, Monday through Friday last week, everything seemed to be out of the norm. Here is what our week consisted of:
My three older children attended VBS this past week. The church was about 30 minutes away. So from the time I left the house till we returned home was a four hour plus time frame. The reason I sacrificed this time was because we love this church. They have an outstanding children’s ministry and amazing leadership. This was my children’s first VBS experience, so they were extremely excited about this! They could not wait until the next night.
Another positive note- each night I brought my computer and was able to get some blogging time in while waiting for VBS to be over. (If you’re a blogger, you understand how valuable that free time is!)
The challenge for me, was to have the family fed and the children out the door by 5:30pm. There was a lot of craziness just trying to leave the house! And by the next morning I was exhausted. This happened four night in a row.
The post I put up last week got way more attention than expected. Which to note, I’m not complaining! This was just out of the norm. Extra time and energy was put towards this blog.
I’m still trying to get into a routine with the time and energy I put into my husband’s business. I handle the finances and some of the secretarial work for him. So if I skip a week on updating everything, things get backed up. This past week was one of those weeks.
Now, as most of you know, I’m against speaking the terrible 2’s toward children. However, it really is the training 2’s. IT.HAS.BEEN.ROUGH. I have been constantly teaching my little girl what she can and cannot do. She is the first one of my children that literally has fits on the floor. She will throw herself down and kick and scream. Ok. Yes. She is in this training stage! She has been testing me. Taking my emotions past my limits.
When Thursday afternoon came around, I felt like giving up. With all that I listed happening out of the norm, my children were in the midst of fighting and tattling on each other. I realized I had to make supper. And my two year old threw something at her sister.
I had to walk away. I took my two year old daughter upstairs to discipline her, and that’s when it happened. I laid down on that bed and cried. I cried for I don’t know how long. I just kept telling Jesus, “I can’t do it! I can’t do it!” over and over again.
While I was crying, my two year old laid there sucking her finger and watched me cry. She didn’t jump on me. She didn’t poke me. She didn’t even say my name or cry. She was completely peaceful. In that moment, looking into her eyes, I felt and saw the presence of God.
I looked at the clock, and I surely thought it was close to 5:30, which meant I would have to gather my children to eat real quick and run out the door to head to VBS. However, by the grace of God, it was only 4:45.
There is something about once you cry out all those emotions and feelings that have been stuffed inside of you, some kind of freedom is experienced. Most times you feel so much better than before you started crying.
There is freedom through the tears we shed.
I experienced even more freedom later that evening. I was sitting in the church parking lot with my computer and starting typing this post. Halfway through, my husband called me. And all he wanted to do was pray for me. (I love my husband!) Through his prayers and me typing out my thoughts and feelings here on this post, I felt so much better that night.
So there you have it! I’m not perfect. My kids are not perfect. It was a rough week. Here is to a fresh new week, in Jesus Name!